DevArt has sort of fallen by the wayside for me . . . sadly. But hopefully that will no longer be the case. Seeing as how I don't have a job, and now I'm not going to be living with my friends, I'll have plenty of free time to write, which will be nice. I've really been having a lot of excess thoughts, and hopefully written down musings will help them get out of my head.
Although I have to say that I honestly feel very dumb and childish right now. I thought I was maturing quite a bit, but I guess not. Of course, no one likes to be told they're wrong, but I can't help but feel that I'm in way over my head, and have no real maturity at all.

This thought comes from two separate instances that occurred yesterday:

First, I got into a political debate over facebook of all things. And then I was subsequently p'wnd by an incorrect claim that I made and then told by the person that started the argument that I was being irrational and making "radical" claims that had no basis in fact. What it really came down to was that neither of us liked being told that we were wrong. Yes, in that one claim that she caught me on, I was wrong, I will admit that. In everything else, I was firmly based in fact, not in fantasy libertarian/conservative land like her.
I have to say, just because something is your "opinion" doesn't mean that it's based in fact and is FACTUALLY correct. And that goes for both sides of the argument; I will submit to that. I can make some pretty outrageous claims when I'm angry or inflamed by someone else in a political or religious debate, but I like to think that I'm still pretty informed and FACTUALLY accurate in MOST of the things that I say. There's a difference between an intellectual debate between two different parties and just plain picking a fight. If you're picking a fight, I'm going to try to cut you down any way I can; simply because I think that your an idiot for telling me I'm wrong to think what I think ESPECIALLY when I most definitely make a pointed effort to be VERY informed and caught up on current events.(And I feel like I get a lot of my information from a more credible source than Fox News). The BBC is credible. Fox News (also known as the above mentioned libertarian/conservative fantasy land) is not credible in my opinion. If you're a news source and you're being paid off to spin stories a certain way, YOU ARE NOT CREDIBLE.
So really, that whole incident just left a bad taste in my mouth and made me feel very mean and immature. Once the aforementioned girl told me that I was being irrational and that she couldn't continue to talk to me until I got my facts straight, my immediate reaction was to insult her personally. That's never a good thing. But I was so much on the defense, that it made sense to me. I didn't post it on facebook or say it to her or anything, but I did say it to some other people who don't know her, after I explained the situation. Looking back on it now, it's really no harm done, the people I ranted to are never going to meet this girl and she'll never know that I criticized her, but I still felt bad later when I had calmed down.

Second, it was one of my older friend's birthday's today, and we all got together at mutual friend's house to drink and celebrate at midnight last night. I was only sort of pseudo-invited, but I went anyway, because I wanted to be there for my friend on his birthday and meet my other friend's new kitty. I didn't even really drink that much, because I didn't want to to mooch. But it just seemed like I was so young and out of place with all of these people who were 21, 22, and 23. Some were even older. I met my friend's cat and her boyfriend and proceeded to tell a story about another thing that had happened on facebook involving some of my mother's friends. I was immediately correct by my friend's boyfriend as I was trying to show off how witty I could be by telling this story and he pretty much just completely shut me down and used a tone of voice that said "shut the hell up kid." So I pretty much stayed quiet the rest of the night, unless I spoke up to insert a generic comment into a conversation or something like that.
I like to think that my older friends don't see me as a complete joke, but when things like that happen, I can't help but think that they just put up with me because I can be funny SOMETIMES or smart SOMETIMES. It's all very frustrating and saddening, not that I want to be taken too seriously, because yes, when it comes down to it, I am still a kid. At the same time, I like to think that I know what I'm talking about, at least a little bit. I don't know, I guess it's just something that I'll have to get over:
There will always be people that you disagree with and there will also be those who just have no patience for anyone else's ideas and/or thoughts if they don't completely agree with the fact/logic behind it.

But whatever. Shit happens.

That was really smart of me. Seriously. I may have just lost one of my best friends here. Why do I just keep talking when the things that I say are just stupid, hurtful, and somewhat untrue?

I'm going to go die in a hole now.

Really, that's the only reason why I'm updating my journal. Because I'm avoiding doing homework . . . which is really worse for me in the long run. But I'm a masochist, what can I say?

Nothing has really been happening. I'll probably be getting into writing again soon, I kind of miss it. I haven't written anything not scholastically inclined since, probably mid-senior year. That's kind of depressing for me. But I've been so busy, that I haven't been able to miss it. And I haven't read a book for fun since September. It's all terribly tragic.

Anyhoo, nothing interesting to report . . . I'll keep on keeping on, and perhaps post some interesting anecdotes later in the week.

Apparently they do, because I've been coughing all day and everyone keeps saying "bless you."

I had the strangest experience last night . . . it's was my first near fainting experience. I started feeling a little off when I was working, just that I was getting light-headed when I would bend over to grab something, and I just wrote it off and continued to work. Then my friend Will wanted to smoke some hookah, so I went over to his room and we set it up to smoke. We smoked from maybe 11 p.m. until 1:30 . . . not a long time for me to smoke really. I've gone longer. But when I was trying to get up to leave, I couldn't stand up straight and I was getting really light headed, so much so that I think I started slurring my words. I felt horrible, like I was going to throw up and I ran into the side of the wall with my face. I didn't realize I had dome it until this morning and I had a cut on my face.

I called security to come and get me at my friend's dorm, because it was hella cold out and on the way out to meet the person who was coming to get me in the little scooter, I feel over in the snow and just started hyperventilating because I was so freaked out and I didn't know what to do. I managed to pull myself up, trudge over to the scooter thing, get in, give the person my name and calm down. I got to my dorm, same deal, I couldn't stand up for more than 30 seconds without getting dizzy and I couldn't really walk straight. I hurried to my room as fast as I could go and just collapsed on my bed fully clothed freaking out. I was afraid to go to sleep because I honestly was not sure if I would wake up in the morning. I thought about going to my RA and telling her that something was up, but I didn't know if I could make it. So I fell asleep for about an hour and then woke up, got changed, took out my contacts and went back to sleep. I'm okay this morning, still a little lightheaded, but nothing compared to last night, and I think that it might be solved with a good midday nap. If it happens again though, I'm going to go to a doctor.

Well, that's my story, and I come home in 2 weeks!!!! Huzzah!

So, break has been pretty good . . . I guess. Still recovering from the "block from hell" as my new roommate dubbed it, but it was a nice reprieve.

Got my wisdom teeth pulled and that was super. Cut a whole week out of my social time.

My dad leaves in 5 days for a whole year . . . it hit me last night when I was trying to go to sleep and now I'm super super sad. I'm going to miss him so much, but I know that it's nothing compared to how his wife feels right now. I feel so bad that I didn't just stay in Colorado from the get go, hang out with my dad more, blah, blah, blah. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.

I'm having a lot of regrets right now, and I feel like I'm in major transition period. I don't necessarily feel stuck, but I certainly don't feel safe or secure in my situation right now. I'm just kind of there, getting a bit beaten down by the Universe. Teh Ether is having problems too. But I'm not really going to worry about that right now, because usually teh Ether is rather nice to me. C'est La Vie. See you soon, Iowa.